Roller coaster of emotions

It’s almost 2 weeks since we’ve had our accident and its been roller coaster of emotions.

The timing of accident couldn’t have been any worse, just a week before Kayleigh’s first real party and a little over a week till her birthday.

I’ve been pretty much up and down throughout the whole off it and just want to get off.

The highs have been Kayleigh’s birthday and her party. So thankful for Daddyvswork and my mum for taking over all the party bits and pieces. My mum baked all the food and the cake then Daddyvswork iced it. It was perfect.

Kayleigh’s face lighting up and enjoying every moment was worth all the pain and being bed ridden the next day. I almost cried (not with pain this time) when she came over to where I was sitting to give me a kiss and cuddle and tell me “mummy this is the best birthday ever”. So thank you to everyone who helped and turned up for making it so amazing for her, just wish I could have helped more!

She also had an fab birthday, she doesn’t ask for much so was very overwhelmed by all the generous gifts. We’ve got enough barbies and pink things to open our own store!

Then there are the downs & trust me there have been many.

Firstly the pain, it’s been awful. Possibly worse than recovering from my c-section. I have a lovely cocktail of drugs the doctor prescribed which I currently rely on, but these have side affects too. They make me very sleepy. Also due to the pain most of my time is spent lying down in bed, sitting up for more than 10 minutes makes my shoulder, neck and back feel like its on fire. That combined with the pain is not a nice feeling.

I’ve cried, a lot. I’ve cried from pain, disappointment and just generally feeling like crap.

But worst of all I feel like an awful parent.

I can’t play with the kids, I can’t pick them up when they cry, I can’t be given one of their big squishy cuddles, I rely on so much help at the minute I feel like a toddler myself.

Kayleigh and Ethan have been amazing.

It’s tough for them seeing mummy in so much pain and not being able to be the fun mummy I was. They come sit with me in the bedroom and snuggle up to watch tv. They bring their toys into the bedroom and sit on the bed playing with me.

But most of all, I’m grateful.

I’m grateful that we walked away with our lives, it makes me realise, life is too short, you never know when it may be taken away.