Anxiety never really goes…

Definition of Anxiety –

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

For months now I’ve been working on controlling my anxiety through medication, counselling and time. There was a point after our Lanzarote holiday that I actually felt “normal” which was such a refreshing feeling.

It’s still under control, sort of.

You see I get days where it comes back to haunt me.

I can be fine then something can happen and it all comes flooding back.

For example, drivers who jump out at junctions so we need to slam our breaks on! The flash of red lights and the instant need to break cause my heart sinks to my stomach then it beats so hard it feels like its going to jump out of my chest. I feel light headed and sick for a while after and start to shake.

It makes me realise its not gone, it may never go, it’s just under control.

Next weekend we are heading to Manchester, just Daddyvswork and I. We’re off to watch Manchester United lift the trophy and stay over night. It was a present I brought for his 30th birthday and I’m super excited we get to go but feeling a little anxious at leaving Kayleigh and Ethan for so long and being so far away.

I leave them during the day whilst I work but at all times I’m no more than 20 minutes away, next weekend I will be the furthest away I’ve ever been for the longest I’ve even been. They are going to love nanny moving in to their house for the weekend and probably won’t even miss me! I just can’t shake this feeling.

This is why I hate anxiety, it tries to ruin what should be a great time. It tries to make me doubt my ability as a parent.

It won’t win though, we will have an amazing time and I will put anxiety behind me once and for all. It may not be any time soon but one day I will do it.

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